little wing

act 1, scene 1 mother and daughter, driving in rush hour traffic, music plays on the radio

chellam and mom enthusiastically and loudly, if somewhat inaccurately, sing along to 'jukebox hero' 

act 1, scene 2 mother and daughter, at the dining table, settling down to some post dinner work, the first bars of music float out on mother's computer

mother - chellam, what music's that?

chellam - eyes flicking up from her book to an empty space on the wall in front of her

mmm...that's not jazz... it's blues. naice! who's the guitarist? 

mother stops just short of throwing herself across the table and smothering chellam with hugs. homework and other work is forgotten for a few minutes as mother and child talk about blues guitar and stevie ray vaughan

schools and H1N1

swine flu has hit chennai with the death of little sanjay balakrishnan. here's how two different city schools are handling the scare.

school 1 - email from principal

- tells children who've just come in to india from countries with h1n1, to stay away from school

- gives details of symptoms

- gives list of precautions to take

- gives names of hospitals in the city equipped to handle the illness, along with phone numbers and addresses

the email then says, 'and on our part, this is what we are doing for the health and safety of our children...' and goes on to give a list of precautions school is taking.

- disinfecting and cleaning high contact areas - labs, toilets etc twice every day

- disinfecting and cleaning handles twice every day

- providing disinfectant handwash in all toilets and sink areas

- providing tissues and paper towels in all toilets and sink areas

- providing information on symptoms and prevention

 

school 2 - paper circular and email from principal

- asks parents not to send children to school if children are unwell

- asks parents to ensure children wash hands before meals

- tells parents not to send children to enclosed spaces like cinema theatres

- wants parents to inform school of travel plans

- asks parents to take child to a govt. hospital - gives name - for testing if child remains unwell for more than 2 days

- begs parents not to panic.

and what is the school doing, apart from telling parents what to do? is the school taking any preventive measures at all? children in the school say there isn't even any soap in the toilets, and we're talking about a premium city school!

school 1 is an american school, used to parents asking questions, sharing information, demanding action.

school 2 is a traditional indian school where suggestions from parents are accepted, but questions are not encouraged and information is not freely shared.

we accept so little from figures in authority. why are we afraid to assert ourselves and demand our rights? why are we so ready to make excuses for people who shouldn't be needing excuses anyway?

'oh no, let's just give suggestions. they won't like it if we say anything. what can they do with so many children. as if they can disinfect slides and swings anyway!' 

these were comments i heard all the time, and honestly, i felt like hitting the mothers on the head with something hard and sharp! yes, traditional indian schools are generally reluctant to treat parents as equals who have a right to question their authority, and get clear, detailed answers

but

it's the safety of our children. we have a right to know. we have a right to demand and expect action. this is not the time for 'let's take it as it comes,' or 'let's tone down our opinions, or else school will get upset' attitudes. 

there is much school can do, other than suggesting we keep sick children home, or sending children with sniffles back home, or closing down school for a day or so.

ask questions. suggest solutions. expect answers. demand action. if school authorities don't like it, well, just too bad - it's our children, and if we don't stand up for them, who will?

say no, actually ma... say yes

the phone rings in the study. chellam picks it up and one minute later rushes into the dining room where i am, arms waving about frantically.... 'say no, say no..say no...'

'to what?' i ask 

'to the harry potter movie.'  i can't believe my ears! the phone's dead when i reach it, so i sit her down and ask what's happening.

X has been recently moved to her section, is known for being 'seriously weird,' and has no friends. probing doesn't get me details about what qualifies as 'seriously weird,' but plenty of eye-rolling happens. 'ma-aa, she's different, ok?' my daughter concedes. 

'and that's weird?'

'yes!' is the firm reply.

'so X's mother is trying to get a group of girls together to go for the harry potter movie, and you don't want to go?' i clarify.

'yes,' chellam answers again.

'because X is different, and that's weird.'

the 'yes,' slower to come this time, is accompanied by a frown and some lip chewing. then... 'actually ma... say yes,' she says.

my heart's leaping up doing high 5s, but i pretend nonchalance. 'how come you changed your mind, kanna?'

'i feel bad for her ma.' chellam replies, and even as i open my mouth, warns, 'don't ask me anything else ok? and i'm not going to be like her new best friend or anything. she doesn't have any friends, nobody wants to go, and i just feel bad for her, ok? so, say yes.'

i call X's mother, say yes, chellam would be glad to go along for the movie, and feel a heavy choked feeling inside when i hear the relief in her voice. she rushes on to explain that X is new to the section and somehow hasn't made a connection with anybody yet... i can feel her puzzlement, and pain.

i put the phone down and hug my daughter. there's no need for words. 

birthday presents, and how to get what you want!

last night, chellam, raja and i walked into the taj for a late, late dinner, and saw this prominently displayed sign that said 'salvatore ferragamo at the taj coromandel'

after squeals of delight from my daughter who wouldn't know a ferragamo from a frock stitched by the local roadside tailor, sarcastic comments about overpriced italian brands, courtesy my son, and my observations on the psychological differences between paying a couple of hundred dollars vs many thousands of rupees for a tie, we settled in to the usual crazy dinner conversations  the family is known to have!   

the topic of conversation today was chellam and her penchant for everything branded, hyped and overpriced, and how she would soon (in about 11 years :)) have to foot her own bills. 

amidst much hooting and laughter and protests, we figured out this is how she would probably fill her closets with designer junk.  

chellam, from somewhere in europe, calling her brother - haaii annnaa!!! (some polite conversation follows) 

brother, rudely cutting her off - ok, what do you want?

chellam - nothing anna, it's my birthday in a few days, so i was wondering if you were planning to get me a present. (silence on the line, so chellam bravely pushes on) anna, will you get me a pair of jimmy choos?

long silence again, then, brother -  sure... in your dreams! (click of receiver in her ear)

chellam calls her mother next. polite conversation follows, then - ma, its my birthday in a few days...

mother, cutting in- yes, bangaru, i know. i've arranged for a special puja and a homam in your name. i'll send you the prasadam as soon as i get it. put some kumkum on your forehead every night without fail, ok?

chellam rolling her eyes -her mother's a hopeless case- and hanging up. she can always blame it on the connection later!

she calls her father. 

father - yes, what is it? i'm in the middle of a monthly review meeting!

chellam - no nana, it's my birthday in a few days, and i was wondering if i could pick up a present for myself.

father, relieved that that's all it is, and figuring he can get off the phone in less than 2 minutes, is all sweet and indulgent now - sure kanna, get yourself something nice. what do you want?

chellam - nothing much nana. is a pair of shoes or something like that ok with you?

father, glancing at his watch - sure kanna, get yourself a couple of nice pairs. but get something sensible, not something horrible in purple or orange, ok? take care of yourself. are you dressing warmly enough? don't go out in the wind without your thermals. i've got to go now. call me on sunday. love you.

chellam hangs up with a wide grin on her face. 2 pairs! yyyesss!! 

father hangs up with a sigh of relief. shoes!! now back to the meeting.

of course he has no idea what shoes she has in mind or how much they cost, and she's not going to be around when the credit card slip arrives and he bursts a blood vessel!

things that go bump in the night

'stay right where you are,' my darling husband snapped!

considering that it was 4.00am, and that till the moment he had barked his order, i had been fast asleep, there didn't seem any immediate danger of my jumping up and rushing off anywhere.

'what's happening pa?' i asked sleepily.

'nothing,' the man of the house retorted, 'don't move!'

wide awake now, and definitely not ready to take orders lying down (forgive the awful pun!) i struggled up from bed. 'pa, what's going on, did you hear somebody in the house?' i asked, my words bouncing off a closing door around which came a snort that could have meant yes, or no, or anything else. 

my dh had stalked off to see who had invaded his territory.

he, as he had proved years ago, is far braver than he strictly needs to be when woken up by intruders in the middle of the night. such situations usually ended with the bewildered intruder bound with cord yanked off a table lamp, and dumped in the back seat of the car, while my husband prepared to dash off with his booty to the police station, clad in nothing more than boxer shorts!

i peeped out of the bedroom and saw lights snap on rapidly in room after room. 

'where's s?' the question ricocheted up the stairs. 

where was my son? in his room, i hoped, fast asleep, like he was meant to be. suddenly horror stories about disgruntled domestics sneaking into children's rooms and slitting the throats of the sleeping babes rushed to my mind. 'oh god, let him be safe, please!' i prayed.

it was definitely time to act. i shook my daughter, 'get up,' i snapped at the poor thing. (yes, when you have no idea what you are doing, barking orders feels useful.)

i yanked the mattress up, frantically searching for my 'whacking stick,' a wicked brass tipped bamboo staff i kept hidden there specifically for these situations. 

there was no way i was going to let my man face what i imagined was a mustachioed, knife-wielding, lungi-clad thug, armed with just courage and a sense of outrage, or let my child have his throat slashed in his sleep, so weapon in hand, i crept out of the bedroom, determinded to save the situation.

'check on s!' the command bounced up the stairs again. 

heart beating so loud i could actually hear the pounding, i gripped the bamboo staff tightly in my sweaty hands, and pushed open my son's bedroom door softly... and froze at the sight in front of me...

sitting cross-legged in bed, there he was, my son, plugged into his music, completely oblivious to the galatta his nocturnal wandering had caused, calmly eating some kiwi fruit he had just raided from the fridge!

'pa,' i shouted down, 'i found your intruder!'

why do i love thee, let me list 5 reasons...

first, my apologies to abha for letting this post slide for this long - will your hurt be appeased, my friend, if i say it was because i was romancing my darling husband in the hills somewhere, singing songs, running around a tree, with flowers nodding in the background, etc., in true bollywood style?

what! you don't believe me?

oh just as well, because it wasn't true anyway - at least not the singing part :)

now, on to the tag - 5 things you love about being a mother - that's what abha's tagged me to d0 - check out her list of 5.

i'm going to copy paste her instructions

The tag is: 5 things that you love about being a mom. Next, find someone to link to and tag - someone from your own country, if you like, but definitely someone from another country (let them know that you've tagged them!) - and link back here and HBM (that's where this all started) and leave a comment.

here goes - 

1 - i love seeing the world through my children's eyes -  my 17 yr old, i swear he was born old, is the eternal cynic. i'm amazed at the way his mind works, at how he can take apart an action, a reaction, a conversation, anything at all, and analyse it to death, dragging me into discussions the wildest stretches of my imagination could not otherwise think up! i love the way my 13 year old, a romantic in the truest sense of the word, is ready to believe the best of everything, and secretly pray she never loses this innocence that makes her such a pleasure to be with.

2 - i love the way they keep me young and 'with it' - without them, how would i know how awesome jesse mccartney or the google android was? how would i know that a pottery party was the most 'uncool thing' a mom could think up for her child, and that girls are just as good at football as boys, if not better? it's not just media stars, gadgets, and other things teens are fascinated with, they have such fresh ideas, and think in ways i've forgotten to. they take me back to my own childhood, and remind me what hard work it is to be a child in a grown up's world.

3 - a little give, and a little take - ok, a lot of it! -  i love doing things for the children; covering books with brown paper, giving massages and mini facials, finding the right shade of bangles to match that silk skirt, driving them to an early morning classes, serving them hot lunch when they come home tired from school... there are alternatives, somebody else could do it, why they themselves could do it, but i do it, simply because it makes me feel great to still be able to do little things for them. 

and it's a wicked thing to admit, but children are very handy when it comes to fetch and carry - who else can you get to run around looking for the keys that are in the handbag right next to your elbow, or to fix the computer when the dog has jumped on the wires? who else can you get to give you a foot rub when you're home after a long hard day, or carry back that sandstone sculpture you fell in love with in thailand? 

4 - i love how i can still teach them to look at the world through my eyes - wow, raw fish is not such a bad food, and taking half a day off to go browse through a museum while on holiday is not so boring really. and hey, this ray charles dude can sing, can't he, and bombay jayshree, and begum abida parveen, and vivaldi can make really nice music ma! music, art, indian culture and customs, the list goes on. there's so much they still have to learn, and i love introducing bits of these worlds to them.

5 - i love early morning 'kattis' (our word for hugs) - at one time early morning hugs were things i took for granted. actually with two children, one who fell asleep only if she had my hair twisted in her fingers, and another who kicked me all about the bed, i was glad for space. who needed early morning hugs! now that big bed seems strangely empty without all those bodies filling it up, and i'm glad for times they still feel little enough to sneak in for a cuddle. reminds me of how quickly times flies by, and how soon the small joys we take for granted today are gone. i love you my babies, i've always got room for an early morning hug!

one mother's wishlist

Raja, Chellam,

Let me spare you the worry of thinking up something appropriate to get for me on those days you think are special, and you must get something to mark it; here's my list for you.

Your company – The man who said, ’’The greatest gift is a portion of thyself’’ sure knew his stuff. Talk to me when I call, make time for me when I drop in to see you, even if you think you are too busy to make that time. Maybe I want to see you just for a minute. Maybe I just want to see that smile, maybe I just want to hug you and think of how you used to smell of baby powder, or too much perfume, or sweat, dirt and excitement after a football match. 
Come with me to that hopelessly romantic movie, even if it embarrasses you to be seen with your old mom at a chick flick. You don’t have to jump off the plane with me if I suggest going sky-diving, but drive me to the drop zone. Come out to lunch with me, take me with you when you go shopping for your new gizmo, sit with me a while when I’m unwell, and keep me a part of your life no matter where you are and how old you are, and who else is in your life.

Tell me the truth – Don’t lie to me, ever. I am always firmly on your side. It maybe a hopeless exam result, it maybe a girlfriend or a boyfriend I don’t approve of, it maybe murder you have committed, I don’t care. Tell me the truth. We will find a solution for it and face the world together. 

Hugs and kisses – I will never be too old or too dignified to be hugged and kissed. Hug me, kiss me, tell me you love me; I will make sure I always return these gifts to you, doubled.

Your appreciation – I love doing things for you. Some of them are silly and spontaneous, some take a lot of planning and effort. Show me you appreciate my efforts and my thoughtfulness. Don’t take me for granted. Tell me I am the best mom in the world; pay me for what I do with your words and smiles, with your hugs and kisses. That is what keeps me going.

Your children – You will not always have as much time for me as I want from you. Give me your children to love, to bring up, to tell stories to, to talk to about when you were little, to braid their hair, tuck their shirts in, to kiss their scraped knees and comfort them, to scold, and in them to see you again as you once were, in all your goodness and innocence, before you got all grown up, and independent, and left.

Make me proud of you - Live happy, live your life without regrets, follow your dreams. Life is not just about work or about material success. Be curious, be adventurous, take time off to love and to laugh. Also don’t ever forget that life has been good to you; give back to those who are not as fortunate. Let me see you do all of this, and let me feel the glow of pride that comes in seeing you live well.

Of course this doesn’t mean that you don’t provide your old mom with gifts of the material kind. Surprise me with a party, pamper me with jewellery; give me presents of art, exotic holidays, accounts at my favourite book-store, and melt in the mouth chocolates. If you think there’s something I might like, and if it doesn’t feature in this list, please feel free to go right ahead and get it for me. And you don’t have to wait for an occasion to give me a present. I won’t take offence at the ‘for no reason at all’ gift. 

Love and hugs, Amma