a long exchange of smsses with first born today, he's travelling from san francisco to boston, and because of favourable winds, the 6 hour journey is cut down to 4. a relief normally, but the problem is his flight will now land in boston at 4am, and he has a one hour bus ride to college, in temperatures of -4!
once in boston, he gets completely lost, takes the wrong bus, rides around the city in the cold and dark, and generally has a miserable time. hiding my anxiety, i try to get him to laugh it off. 'look on the bright side raja', i tell him. 'if you survive this with no lasting trauma, at least you have an adventure you can talk about!'
'yup, and i'll be so used to the cold that i'll be walking around kodaikanal in my jetti', he replies (jetti=briefs)
'don't even think about it,' i message back, 'you'll scare away the bison.' we exchange smileys, and sign off.
just last week, he was down with a terrible upper respiratory tract infection and fever, and now he's wandering about in the cold. i don't even want to think about it. oh, well, some years ago, when keeping in touch across continents was not easy, i'm sure children went through these same issues and lived to tell the tale, and parents lived in their own worlds, blissfully unaware. brat will survive.
next is a phone call to my chellam.
'oh ma, i had these ugly tights, and they ripped, and so i ripped them some more and wore them, and they looked so cool, but a bit stripperish,' she tells me. pause for breath, and the words tumble out again, 'and you know what, i tore my jeans, and they look so awful. but you know what, i want totally ripped jeans, with just threads across the knees. they look so cool.'
'errmm... aren't they trashy?' i ask, 'and how come a small rip is uncool and hanging on by a thread is cool?'
she explains that 'sluttish' and 'stripperish' are bit way out, but look cool anyway. and this from a girl who talks about becoming a fashion merchandiser so she can influence global buying patterns. i don't know if i want to be around to see all of that!
and then her voice drops to a whisper; tone is still excited, words still tumble out higgledy-piggledy, but this time in whispers.
'oh ma, oh ma, oh ma...btw, you know what so many people are into in school? cutting!'
she goes on to explain what cutting is in graphic detail, and tells me how this boy in her class was rejected by a girl, so he cut himself, and this other girl took a blade and cut herself in so many places, and went about showing everybody.
i'm horrified that children are doing this, and that my baby is amongst children who are doing this, terrified that she might be tempted to try, just to see what is is all about... well, it's been known to happen... don't a lot of things start simply because a person is curious? but i swallow all of that, and ask what she did when the girls showed her the cuts.
'oh i just said 'whatever' and walked away. i didn't want to give her attention.'
i'm just starting to breathe and thank my lucky stars that my chellam is being so sensible when she adds 'i just hope i don't do it some day!'
every single alarm bell in my body starts to jangle.
'babe, you won't.' i say firmly. 'people who do that sort of thing have problems. either they have emotional issues. they have low self esteem, or are seeking attention. you don't need to get attention or seek validation by doing something so crazy.'
i know it's not that simple. i don't know why children do it, and i have absolutely no idea what i will do if my chellam ever does something like that.
she agrees it is freakish, and really horrid, but i can also hear the morbid fascination in her voice. i remember a girl in my own class, in boarding school who would take a nail cutter and pinch her skin off with it, and pull a blade or compass point through her hands. it was just that one girl though, and yes, we discussed it with shudders, but didn't pay it much attention.
from my conversation with my chellam, it seemed like the problem with teens cutting themselves was a lot more prevalent now, and i cross my fingers and say a prayer she will never harm herself in these ways. those ominous words 'i just hope i don't do it some day!' go round and round in my head.
and to think school sent me an email yesterday, and in extra large sized font that too, asking me counsel and discipline my daughter as she was 'interested in a boy.'
ooh man, what can i say about their priorities!!
ps. if you think you know someone who might be doing themselves harm by cutting, and are not really sure, or are a concerned adult who wants more information, you might want to take a look at
this website or
this one. i have no answers for you, just know that teen issues like self injury need to be taken seriously and perhaps dealt with with professional help. i wish you never have to address the issue of cutting with a child, but if you do, i wish you strength.
